Sunday, March 8, 2009

CLUELESS

I am writing this blog, after such time, which by the way was so long ago, that I had to experience the struggle to be smart and flexible at the same time in my studies. Literally.

And now, not that I am not in a "struggle" anymore, my academic years are now over. The recitations, the quizzes, the unannounced tests, the surprise projects, the long readings, the boring professors and teachers, also the everyone-likes-professors and teachers, the school gossips, the school crushes (both girls and boys),the issues, the break-ups, the thesis, the OD, the TRAINING, the OSP, the Behavioral Science Society, the organization activities, the responsibilities inside and outside the school, asturias, anotonio, sala, carpark, TAMBAYAN, the 2006 UAAP champions, the heartaches, the embrassing moments, the physical fitness, the social dance, handball and football P.E.s, the dancing, Behavioral Science Dance Troupe, the Mediartrix 2dm@x, lola paypay, kuya Manny, the siomai, the Wendy's, the flood!, the pavs, the tinoco, the colayco, the quadricentennial park, the lover's lane, the overnights, the sleepless nights, and the list goes on and on and on and on........ all these, now seems to be part of my past now. Although, I still have a clear view on them, I still feel that somehow, like everything that come to me, go. And sometimes, you cannot just bring them back to you. All part of the memory, that cannot be materialized anymore.

I never regretted nor rued for anything that had happened to me for the last 17 years of my schooling, particularly my last 4 years of studying, my college years. I have learned a lot of lessons and fought with a lot of mind buggling courses. Now, I am here, standing proud. Although I have not received any award, well, except for my loyalty award way back in High School, I never blamed myself for anything, because I know that whatever I do, although I know my efforts still come short, I have a plan, goal, aim, dream -that is to have a good life to give to my family. My family are my inspiration, the reason I have a goal. They gave me my education, and I am paying them back. No matter what.

I am to graduate in 3 weeks time. I am excited and sad. Sad for the life I know I will miss BIG TIME. Excited for the future that is not feasible to me, nor to anyones else yet. I don't know how to say this, but Graduation is the only HAPPY, JOYOUS part for now. The question is, what comes next after the graduation? Even now, I still doubt my abilities. I am in doubt for I will be a part of the pool of applicants, the pool of the unemployed. I am clueless on what to expect when I apply to companies. Will I be waiting for a long time for me to land to a job? Or will I ever land in a job? I AM HOPING I WILL. But, Global Crisis is even felt through the air. Global Crisis is a curse for me, for all the graduates of 2009. Why come now? Why now?

I am praying, wishing, hoping that I will land in a job that is in line with my knowledge, or to atleast something I love to do. I believe in myself, I am just going to hope that someone will also believe in me.

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