Good evening!
I finally found a perfect time to blog. It's 10:00 PM. I'm sick. I'm sad. I'm having a too normal but unusual day. Finished work. Received a number of texts, and that's it. That is how my day went. Sad and weird, right? I know.
For the past months: January, February, March.. I've been through a lot.
Finally decided to quit my very first job after 8 months.
Finally found a better company.
And now, I'm finally stable.. at least on the work aspect. Don't ask about the financial aspect, I guess I will forever struggle on that part. I thought everything is going well. I was having fun. Finally meeting new people and keeping the old ones.
Finally learning different aspects of the work I chose.
Finally. That's all I can say. I was having fun! With people I chose to stay in my life. Well, that's what I thought.
I am feeling sad for the same reasons I have before. I want to talk to people about it, but they are just to happy for me to spoil their day. I guess I decided to stay away from the people for the mean time. I want to establish new relationships just so I can forget the very reason I am sad. I know it is shallow. But in times like these? I JUST DON'T CARE. I AM SAD. AND, I WANT TO BE ALONE. And people, my friends, are unintentionally granting my wish. I don't know if I'm thankful or not. But just the same, I'll start telling my side.
I have not been in good terms with some people. I thought, I'm too happy to care. I guess I was wrong. But, that's a different story, and not worth blogging so, I'll stop there.
I have very few friends that I can just hang out and be unbelievably comfortable with. And these are the people I AM SO SCARED TO LOSE. These are the people I can stick with and I know they will stick with me too. Through thick and thin. But these are also the people I really want to be happy, and the people that could really bring my mood down. OKAY. FINE. Just to get this over with.. I AM THE ONLY SINGLE LEFT. TRUE. SAD.
But, I am happy. I really am. PROUD AND HAPPY are the two words I would really be just to describe my reaction everytime I hear news as happy as "MY BESTFRIEND got a BOYFRIEND!"
Yeah! I can't really keep emotions, and my reactions are just too obvious so I can't hide that fact. But the sad thing is, at the end of the day, week, month, year.. It all boils down to just one sentence, a fact- I AM NOW OFFICIALLY LEFT, SINGLE.
I may not care after such time, but it's a cycle, I will still end up pitying myself and wondering, WHY? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? DO I HAVE A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE OR SOMETHING? Anyway, that's it. MY BESTFRIENDS, TWO OF MY BESTFRIENDS in College ended up together. My other bestrfriend in High School, found her partner as well, her first. And my close friend, also in High School, is finally dating someone right now. And what is left in my portrait, is me, left alone but is happy for them.
It may sound a bit insecure and envious, but no. I'm just sad with the fact that my FRIENDS can finally say that at least they are done with their searching part, they can go on with their life with someone supporting them, with a partner. And I am still here, although not searching, but waiting, it adds up to my worries I guess.
So, just to give myself a little favor.. I will try to get disconnected for a while and rediscover things about me, first.
Reality bites. But we still have different perception of reality, and MINE SUCKS.
I finally found a perfect time to blog. It's 10:00 PM. I'm sick. I'm sad. I'm having a too normal but unusual day. Finished work. Received a number of texts, and that's it. That is how my day went. Sad and weird, right? I know.
For the past months: January, February, March.. I've been through a lot.
Finally decided to quit my very first job after 8 months.
Finally found a better company.
And now, I'm finally stable.. at least on the work aspect. Don't ask about the financial aspect, I guess I will forever struggle on that part. I thought everything is going well. I was having fun. Finally meeting new people and keeping the old ones.
Finally learning different aspects of the work I chose.
Finally. That's all I can say. I was having fun! With people I chose to stay in my life. Well, that's what I thought.
I am feeling sad for the same reasons I have before. I want to talk to people about it, but they are just to happy for me to spoil their day. I guess I decided to stay away from the people for the mean time. I want to establish new relationships just so I can forget the very reason I am sad. I know it is shallow. But in times like these? I JUST DON'T CARE. I AM SAD. AND, I WANT TO BE ALONE. And people, my friends, are unintentionally granting my wish. I don't know if I'm thankful or not. But just the same, I'll start telling my side.
I have not been in good terms with some people. I thought, I'm too happy to care. I guess I was wrong. But, that's a different story, and not worth blogging so, I'll stop there.
I have very few friends that I can just hang out and be unbelievably comfortable with. And these are the people I AM SO SCARED TO LOSE. These are the people I can stick with and I know they will stick with me too. Through thick and thin. But these are also the people I really want to be happy, and the people that could really bring my mood down. OKAY. FINE. Just to get this over with.. I AM THE ONLY SINGLE LEFT. TRUE. SAD.
But, I am happy. I really am. PROUD AND HAPPY are the two words I would really be just to describe my reaction everytime I hear news as happy as "MY BESTFRIEND got a BOYFRIEND!"
Yeah! I can't really keep emotions, and my reactions are just too obvious so I can't hide that fact. But the sad thing is, at the end of the day, week, month, year.. It all boils down to just one sentence, a fact- I AM NOW OFFICIALLY LEFT, SINGLE.
I may not care after such time, but it's a cycle, I will still end up pitying myself and wondering, WHY? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? DO I HAVE A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE OR SOMETHING? Anyway, that's it. MY BESTFRIENDS, TWO OF MY BESTFRIENDS in College ended up together. My other bestrfriend in High School, found her partner as well, her first. And my close friend, also in High School, is finally dating someone right now. And what is left in my portrait, is me, left alone but is happy for them.
It may sound a bit insecure and envious, but no. I'm just sad with the fact that my FRIENDS can finally say that at least they are done with their searching part, they can go on with their life with someone supporting them, with a partner. And I am still here, although not searching, but waiting, it adds up to my worries I guess.
So, just to give myself a little favor.. I will try to get disconnected for a while and rediscover things about me, first.
Reality bites. But we still have different perception of reality, and MINE SUCKS.
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